Faking

Tired of faking my feelings

I can't take it anymore

I feel like screaming

No one is worth faking for

So here comes the truth,

When you talk, I’m not actually listening

When you joke, I just fake a laugh

When you show off, impressed is what I’m pretending

From my actions only believe the half

I’m not a liar; I’m just trying to be polite

But it seems that I can't keep pretending

I even can't stand your sight

This movie must reach an ending

So from now on, I’ll be true, I’ll be me

Expressing my feelings, speaking my mind

I’ll just be real like I used to be

So be prepared, I won't always be kind

Journey to the Holy lands (1)

I have made a decision at the beginning of 2013 that this year will be the year of dreams. I will do whatever it takes to fulfill my dreams and improve myself.

I started looking in my dreams list to pick a dream to start with. And there is no better start than the start with Allah. I decided to go to the holy lands in Saudi Arabia to do Omra.

This trip had a great effect on me and on my way of thinking that I have never imagined.

1-Arabic: Different cultures, different tongues

During the stay in either Makka or Al-Madina, you get to meet a huge number of people from all around the world.

Different countries, different features and looks. Variety of customs and traditions, and above all, different languages. The impressive thing about all these non-Arab people is that they know their religion very well. Some of them even read Holy Qur’an and Do’aa in Arabic. Most of people from Malaysia and Indonesia read Qur’an in Arabic.

Now you know about the bright side of the story.

The other side is what made my heart really aches. All Arab Muslims speaks Arabic natively and we don’t have difficulties in reading Qur’an and understand it like the non-Arab people.

Although we have this great blessing, we abandon Qur’an and don’t read it much.

Most of Arabs were born Muslims, speak, read and write Arabic. Some of us learnt how to read Qur’an at school. But with all these blessings we choose to ignore it.

On the other hand, when you look to the non-Arab Muslims who don’t have the ability to read Qur’an in its lovely original Arabic language, you see them struggle to learn it and some of them keep the habit of reading it in their own languages. Even some of them go to special schools just to learn how to read it in Arabic.

Those people are really making an effort to learn their religion and practice it. But we who can do all this so easily aren’t that keen on doing so.

People

You never know the importance of people in your life till they vanish from it. Along the road, you meet people, get to know them, develop impressions and opinions about them. Relationships with them takes many forms; relatives, family, friends, and colleagues. But your actual feelings arise only when they are not part of your life anymore.

First, life roads get crossing each other. You meet someone new, and here comes the first impression legend. Some will tell you that first impression never lies, well, this is partially true. The people I miss the most now in my life are the ones with the false first impression. So don’t ever count on the first impression.

Then you start spending time together, knowing each other more, when you get to check your first impression, and when time passes, you start developing initial feelings about them.

Sometimes you hate these new people, love them or other times you just think that you have no feelings at all about them.

Let me assure you, with my personal experiment, that these feelings are just a disguise of your actual feelings.

Time passes, and your life road takes a turn and someone in your life starts to vanish. Then and only then you will start re-exploring your feelings and thoughts about him/her.

You will figure that the friend you thought you love has no effect in your life and you will barely remember him/her during your ordinary day.

You will find that the person you hated but got used to is someone you really love and you keep remembering him/her, and your life is different without him/her.

The people that you took their presence for granted, will seem the most important of all when life separates you from them.

The bottom line is, cherish every moment with the people around you, whether you like, love or even hate them, as you never know when they will get out of your life.

The Dolphin Way

jumping out of the water
taking a leap in fresh air
add some fun, make it faster
like a dolphin, will I ever dare?

to fly out of here
breath as my lungs can take
start defying all my fears
find what's outside this mere

I'm imprisoned in my own surroundings
suffocating in my own sea
I have to stop my biding
adventure is out there waiting for me

stop the wait and make the change
fight for my goals, grab my own dreams
be strong enough and break this cage
this cage of cowardliness, the prison of my fears

Happy Beginnings

Everybody is looking for their happy ending. Ambitions to fulfil, destinations to reach. Each one is struggling to make his/her dream come true imagining that this dream is the end.

Wake up people!

Death is how all of us are going to end. It is a “scientifically” proven fact.

Don’t be shocked with the truth. I know you were deceived as a kid with all the fairy tales and cartoon you were watching, but those were made for kids and you need to grow up.

So why do you look for something that will come to you eventually??

Don’t be sad, all I’m trying to say is that we need a little shift in our thoughts so we can reach true happiness.

What we really need and should go looking for is happy beginning. Lots and lots of happy beginnings.

Rather than thinking of finding our soul mate, the dream job, gaining a fortune...etc as our happy ending as if there will be no more dreams after, we should think of these dreams as happy beginnings of new stages in our life. Each stage has new dreams and goals to fulfil.

Imagine a map with a two points on it: your birth and your death and you need to reach your death but with the happiest and most comfortable road.

Each choice you make, every goal you achieve is like a city or a station on this road. On this station, you can change the road or adjust your plan for your life trip.

So every dream is another opportunity to start fresh or to continue on the same track. It’s your choice.

What if you didn’t reach the city (goal) you hoped to reach? It’s ok, keep going, may be an unfulfilled dream lead you to unexpected city on the map that will change the road entirely.

So it’s not a sad ending, it’s just an opportunity to dream of another happy beginning.

Don’t ever give up. There are lots and lots of happy beginnings in this life. So dream as much as you can and enjoy every station in your life.

It’s not the destination you are seeking, it’s the happiness you’ll experience in journey that matters.

Realistic

High expectations, too many hopes

I used to believe that dreams come true

Optimism used to have unlimited scope

I guess I was naïve, I didn’t have a clue

Disappointment after another

Constant defeats

Depression sweeps in intending to stay forever

Now it’s sadness I can’t beat

All work and dreams are in vain

We all have been living in a fantasy

Streets covered with blood but what did we gain

And still I can’t accept this cruel reality

Insanity

My brain always won

in this constant battle within me

I thought my emotions are finally gone

when I met this strong girl I turned to be

but out of the ashes my heart rose

with every blood drop it fights

it struggles, never welling to lose

fighting for my own desires

this on going battle between my brain and heart

between what's reality and what's fantasy

between opposites , two choices apart

torn inside, I’m closer to insanity