I miss home. It has been 2 months now since we moved to USA and it is
not getting any easier as people always says. There is nothing around here that
I like and there is nothing that makes it feel like a home to me.
I feel like a lonely sheep
that lost its herd. I miss my family so much. I grew up in a cheerful family
where we gathered every week, not only my brother and parents but my cousins
and aunts and whoever is free to join the gatherings. It breaks my heart that
my unborn child won’t get to enjoy my father’s stories and discussions, my
mother’s affection and spoiling acts and my family’s cheerful nights.
We were lucky enough to
settle down and find a descent apartment soon after we arrived and we handled
almost everything to have a stable life here. My feeling towards this apartment
is nothing like home, I feel it is just a convenient place to rest, sleep, eat
and put my stuff in. I miss our apartment in Cairo. I miss every part of it.
I had to quit my job to
make this move. I never imagined that I will miss my job this much. I know maybe
I can find a job after I give birth to my child and probably it will pay me
more money, but I’m sure that it will never be like my job back home. I had the
luck to work in a descent environment surrounded by very descent people that by
time we became friends and even family. We had so much in common and still we
were so different which made working together is so much fun. Currently I have
all these negative thoughts that either I will not find a suitable job or I
will accept any job just to re-establish my independent status that I really
miss.
I hate going anywhere alone. Or maybe I’m
scared. I was never like that when I travelled alone before. I was always
outgoing and never miss a chance to explore. But here, I just want to stay
inside unless someone will be out with me. I feel different all the time and
always noticeable to be different wherever I go. To be honest, no one ever
annoyed me, except for one time at the park actually, but in general no one
treated me differently because I’m different. It is just the feeling of being
different is what bothers me and the fear of some stupid lunatic like those
appearing in news sometimes making any action to annoy me.
I
think about going home every day since I came. Before we got here we thought a
lot about this decision and considered everything. It was hard decision to make
but I never thought it will be even harder to put in action. I miss home. I
miss driving in the streets of Cairo with all the fuzziness it has. I miss
hanging out with my friends. I miss everything. I want to go home.
